Leavin'

Tomorrow's the big day!!! I'm off to Italy!!!

But here's what I have to tackle in the mean time: Tonight is study session in my room. I have a microbiology and biochemistry test tomorrow, back to back, 9 am and 10 am. Then I have to meet up at 11 am to go to the airport. I haven't quite determined my game-plan as to how I'm going to fight against jet-lag, but I'm pretty sure that I'll have a nice long time to sleep on the second plane ride from JFK to Rome (9 hours). I am worried that the trip won't be AMAZING, but then I remind myself that I'll be in Rome. Haha oh YEAH. Rain just can't ruin the Sistine Chapel, Colosseum, Pantheon... I think I'll survive. And be ready for thousands (no joke) of photos!

Our general itinerary, or rather the idea of the trip, is that we will be meeting with agencies during the morning (World Food Programme, Food & Agriculture Organization, US Missions for the UN) to learn about hunger policy issues, and then in the afternoon we will be working in a soup kitchen of sorts called Caritas. I'm not really sure what to expect from either aspect of the trip, but I know that I will walk away from this experience a lot more knowledgeable and well-versed in hunger issues and policies.

Well, maybe I'll have a chance to make an update when I get there, but if not...

PACE! (<-- Italian for PEACE!!)

I hate it

I hate the Internet. I hate that people can assume whatever they want to assume because they can't see what's going on on the other end. I hate that men are insecure. I hate liars. I hate when people think I lie. I don't lie. I hate when people are jealous of nothing. I hate crying so much my body hurts. I hate living in the middle of a life that I don't like. I hate being 21. I hate loving people who don't love me. I hate when people only think of themselves. I hate wanting and deserving everything and getting nothing. I hate pain. I hate that no one hugs me on a day-to-day basis. I hate not having a best friend here with me. I hate irrational people. I hate people who don't trust me. I hate when people think that I am bad or mean because there isn't a bad fiber in my body. I hate stubbornness. I hate wanting to be somewhere else every single second of my life. I hate being away from home. I hate nonsense. I hate being human and having emotions. I hate having my personal life affect my professional/educational life. I hate regret. I hate making mistakes. I hate being misunderstood. I hate having options. I hate that I'm afraid of stupid things. I hate responsibility. I hate any temperature outside other than 72 degrees Fahrenheit. I hate being cold when I'm inside. I hate canker sores. I hate losing things. I hate getting up early in the morning. I hate having so much to study and not having the least bit of interest. I hate cramming. I hate that I have no memory. I hate that I don't keep in touch with a lot of the people that I should keep in touch with. I hate having so many families that aren't even really related to me. I hate broken promises. I hate wishing for miracles. I hate pants that don't fit. I hate mayonnaise and sour cream. I hate not understanding something really important. I hate mood swings. I hate feeling empty. I hate feeling hungry. I hate being nervous or anxious. I hate stress. I hate disease and poverty and hunger. I hate feeling helpless. I hate pollution. I hate not being able to see the stars at night. I hate distractions. I hate death. I hate wondering why. I hate insecurities. I hate searching relentlessly. I hate being so frustrated that smoke literally comes out of my ears. I hate looking at beautiful things and be reminded of something sad. I hate dry skin. I hate confusion and uncertainty. I hate a lot of things.

I hate that I love my life.

What would Gandhi do?

I never could have possibly imagined the kind of semester that I am having this year. Sure, 19 credits seemed like plenty, but not like this. I have way too much on my plate, and I know saying no is something that I have a lot of trouble with. Especially when there are a lot of people counting on me. I say that I don't pine for CR, but to be honest I want that lifestyle back. For that matter, I just want any normal life back. Not going crazy worrying about information for tests that I will forget in a week because of my lack of memory. I thought that I was finding a balance... but maybe not.

Some news, I'm starting up two projects with rice! And that deserves five thousand exclamation points because it is really exciting for me, but I thought I would spare you the extra scrolling. The first is for my crop science lab, where I am observing the differences in growing rice at different depths and flooded versus non-flooded. Simple, yes, but I really have an interest in learning about growing rice since it is a staple food for 2/3 of the world's population. The second project is more of a research project about rice crops and nitrogen levels. My teacher took me to his "Rice File" and gave me so much literature on the topic that I am literally reading through things like the "Peace Corps Rice Manual, Sierra Leon" circa 1978 like it's the new Harry Potter installment. My World Population and Food Prospects class has also sparked a lot of new interest in my life and I have never wanted to go to Africa more than I do right now. My food science seem to be lacking in the enjoyment factor and that worries me. My interests are straying, to say the least. It's just too bad this is all happening so late in the game. But I am so excited about my rice!!

My birthday is coming up. The big one. I can do almost anything (still can't get a rental car, boo) after next Friday. Kind of crazy to think about.

And Italy. Ahh yes. Leaving the country once more. My spring break trip will be absolutely superb in Rome. We are hitting some road blocks with some of the agencies that we would like to meet with, but I think we will get a lot of information on how these governmental agencies are fighting hunger. And our service work at Caritas will of course be very rewarding, I already know. And I'll be in Italy! Mamma Mia!!

I also bought plane tickets to go back to Costa Rica in May. I found out my official start date for my internship and booked the tickets the same day. I'll have two full weeks, which seems like nothing but is a lot better than actually nothing. I'm hoping to get to Manuel Antonio since I never had the chance to see it. Of course I'll be going to La Casona, drink a couple Imperiales (maybe even a Pilsen...), and catch up with old friends. And I'll get to see my Tiquito...

And I'm also getting amazing cool new shoes...

Peace.