I hate the Internet. I hate that people can assume whatever they want to assume because they can't see what's going on on the other end. I hate that men are insecure. I hate liars. I hate when people think I lie. I don't lie. I hate when people are jealous of nothing. I hate crying so much my body hurts. I hate living in the middle of a life that I don't like. I hate being 21. I hate loving people who don't love me. I hate when people only think of themselves. I hate wanting and deserving everything and getting nothing. I hate pain. I hate that no one hugs me on a day-to-day basis. I hate not having a best friend here with me. I hate irrational people. I hate people who don't trust me. I hate when people think that I am bad or mean because there isn't a bad fiber in my body. I hate stubbornness. I hate wanting to be somewhere else every single second of my life. I hate being away from home. I hate nonsense. I hate being human and having emotions. I hate having my personal life affect my professional/educational life. I hate regret. I hate making mistakes. I hate being misunderstood. I hate having options. I hate that I'm afraid of stupid things. I hate responsibility. I hate any temperature outside other than 72 degrees Fahrenheit. I hate being cold when I'm inside. I hate canker sores. I hate losing things. I hate getting up early in the morning. I hate having so much to study and not having the least bit of interest. I hate cramming. I hate that I have no memory. I hate that I don't keep in touch with a lot of the people that I should keep in touch with. I hate having so many families that aren't even really related to me. I hate broken promises. I hate wishing for miracles. I hate pants that don't fit. I hate mayonnaise and sour cream. I hate not understanding something really important. I hate mood swings. I hate feeling empty. I hate feeling hungry. I hate being nervous or anxious. I hate stress. I hate disease and poverty and hunger. I hate feeling helpless. I hate pollution. I hate not being able to see the stars at night. I hate distractions. I hate death. I hate wondering why. I hate insecurities. I hate searching relentlessly. I hate being so frustrated that smoke literally comes out of my ears. I hate looking at beautiful things and be reminded of something sad. I hate dry skin. I hate confusion and uncertainty. I hate a lot of things.
I hate that I love my life.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
What would Gandhi do?
I never could have possibly imagined the kind of semester that I am having this year. Sure, 19 credits seemed like plenty, but not like this. I have way too much on my plate, and I know saying no is something that I have a lot of trouble with. Especially when there are a lot of people counting on me. I say that I don't pine for CR, but to be honest I want that lifestyle back. For that matter, I just want any normal life back. Not going crazy worrying about information for tests that I will forget in a week because of my lack of memory. I thought that I was finding a balance... but maybe not.
Some news, I'm starting up two projects with rice! And that deserves five thousand exclamation points because it is really exciting for me, but I thought I would spare you the extra scrolling. The first is for my crop science lab, where I am observing the differences in growing rice at different depths and flooded versus non-flooded. Simple, yes, but I really have an interest in learning about growing rice since it is a staple food for 2/3 of the world's population. The second project is more of a research project about rice crops and nitrogen levels. My teacher took me to his "Rice File" and gave me so much literature on the topic that I am literally reading through things like the "Peace Corps Rice Manual, Sierra Leon" circa 1978 like it's the new Harry Potter installment. My World Population and Food Prospects class has also sparked a lot of new interest in my life and I have never wanted to go to Africa more than I do right now. My food science seem to be lacking in the enjoyment factor and that worries me. My interests are straying, to say the least. It's just too bad this is all happening so late in the game. But I am so excited about my rice!!
My birthday is coming up. The big one. I can do almost anything (still can't get a rental car, boo) after next Friday. Kind of crazy to think about.
And Italy. Ahh yes. Leaving the country once more. My spring break trip will be absolutely superb in Rome. We are hitting some road blocks with some of the agencies that we would like to meet with, but I think we will get a lot of information on how these governmental agencies are fighting hunger. And our service work at Caritas will of course be very rewarding, I already know. And I'll be in Italy! Mamma Mia!!
I also bought plane tickets to go back to Costa Rica in May. I found out my official start date for my internship and booked the tickets the same day. I'll have two full weeks, which seems like nothing but is a lot better than actually nothing. I'm hoping to get to Manuel Antonio since I never had the chance to see it. Of course I'll be going to La Casona, drink a couple Imperiales (maybe even a Pilsen...), and catch up with old friends. And I'll get to see my Tiquito...
And I'm also getting amazing cool new shoes...
Some news, I'm starting up two projects with rice! And that deserves five thousand exclamation points because it is really exciting for me, but I thought I would spare you the extra scrolling. The first is for my crop science lab, where I am observing the differences in growing rice at different depths and flooded versus non-flooded. Simple, yes, but I really have an interest in learning about growing rice since it is a staple food for 2/3 of the world's population. The second project is more of a research project about rice crops and nitrogen levels. My teacher took me to his "Rice File" and gave me so much literature on the topic that I am literally reading through things like the "Peace Corps Rice Manual, Sierra Leon" circa 1978 like it's the new Harry Potter installment. My World Population and Food Prospects class has also sparked a lot of new interest in my life and I have never wanted to go to Africa more than I do right now. My food science seem to be lacking in the enjoyment factor and that worries me. My interests are straying, to say the least. It's just too bad this is all happening so late in the game. But I am so excited about my rice!!
My birthday is coming up. The big one. I can do almost anything (still can't get a rental car, boo) after next Friday. Kind of crazy to think about.
And Italy. Ahh yes. Leaving the country once more. My spring break trip will be absolutely superb in Rome. We are hitting some road blocks with some of the agencies that we would like to meet with, but I think we will get a lot of information on how these governmental agencies are fighting hunger. And our service work at Caritas will of course be very rewarding, I already know. And I'll be in Italy! Mamma Mia!!
I also bought plane tickets to go back to Costa Rica in May. I found out my official start date for my internship and booked the tickets the same day. I'll have two full weeks, which seems like nothing but is a lot better than actually nothing. I'm hoping to get to Manuel Antonio since I never had the chance to see it. Of course I'll be going to La Casona, drink a couple Imperiales (maybe even a Pilsen...), and catch up with old friends. And I'll get to see my Tiquito...
And I'm also getting amazing cool new shoes...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
2009
I thought it might be appropriate to list some of my informal, nonofficial New Year's Resolutions for 2009. Maybe I'll fulfill them all, maybe none. But isn't that the point of resolutions? To make them and never finish? haha...
1. "Buns and Thighs"
This resolution is as old as time: the resolution to exercise more. I am a relatively healthy eater, I walk a bunch all around campus, especially given my schedule this semester, and I am in no way fat. However, by the end of the semester, and for my return trip to Costa Rica, I want to have lost some inches and fat and gained some serious muscle. I was looking at some photos of me in my prime basketball and volleyball days in high school and it's hard to believe that my legs were once rock solid and I could jump two feet in the air (ok maybe not two... but a lot more than right now). I did some serious buns work yesterday and am feeling the burn this morning, but that is a good sign, and I have got to keep it up no matter the aches and pains. No pain, no gain, right?
2. "Churning Butter"
Pending a negative drug test, I have a summer job!! I was hired by Land O' Lakes for a 12 week research and development internship in Arden Hills, MN. I'm not sure exactly what I will be doing, but I want to be good at. I want to work hard, let them know just how smart and talented I am, and then... maybe they'll hire me for another job, abroad perhaps?
3. "Knopp's Knotes"
This semester is the heaviest I've had in my university career with an astounding 19 credits. It actually should be 22, but I am auditing my leadership class because I didn't want to have 22 hours :) Anyways, I am taking 5 classes and have 4 labs and a practice session (which is the same as a lab). Classes include: Crops: Adaptation & Production (with lab), Analytical Techniques in Food & Bioprocessing Science (with 2 labs), Principles of Biochemistry (with problem session), General Microbiology (with lab), and World Population and Food Prospects. I am finally in classes that interest me and that I look forward to attending, which should help me. However, with the sheer volume of work that will accumulate if I decide to procrastinate, I need to work diligently and not put anything off until the last minute. Biochemistry will be especially challenging with pure memorization and brutal pop quizzes every week. I have to be strong and motivate myself this semester. It's not going to be an easy one.
4. "Pura Vida"
Of course, I plan to make a trip to Costa Rica in the beginning of May, after finals and before my job starts. I would like to stay as long as possible, see friends in Barva, and also travel to Manuel Antonio, one of the places that I did not get to when I was there last year. My resolution: keep Costa Rica as a prize to myself for getting all A's. Of course, I'll go even if I flunk everything, but I really want it to be my motivation and get me through the semester. And then it will be an even sweeter trip. And hopefully Margarita will come with me, and we can party like Spring Semester 2008 :) :) :)
5. "La Vita E Bella"
Last one. I am leading the Alternative Spring Break to Rome this year on a Hunger Policy trip. My co-team leader and I need to step up our game and get our affairs into order and make this as smooth and meaningful as possible. No holes, no one gets lost, no one gets sick, on time for everything, etc etc. It needs to be seamless. And I can't wait until we go. Minus the fact that I have three tests on the day that we leave, so that could be a little problem....
Well, there you go. You now know what 2009 is going to for me. Hopefully there will be some more international travel, but with Italy and Costa Rica already on my plate, I'm not complaining too much ;)
Peace.
1. "Buns and Thighs"
This resolution is as old as time: the resolution to exercise more. I am a relatively healthy eater, I walk a bunch all around campus, especially given my schedule this semester, and I am in no way fat. However, by the end of the semester, and for my return trip to Costa Rica, I want to have lost some inches and fat and gained some serious muscle. I was looking at some photos of me in my prime basketball and volleyball days in high school and it's hard to believe that my legs were once rock solid and I could jump two feet in the air (ok maybe not two... but a lot more than right now). I did some serious buns work yesterday and am feeling the burn this morning, but that is a good sign, and I have got to keep it up no matter the aches and pains. No pain, no gain, right?
2. "Churning Butter"
Pending a negative drug test, I have a summer job!! I was hired by Land O' Lakes for a 12 week research and development internship in Arden Hills, MN. I'm not sure exactly what I will be doing, but I want to be good at. I want to work hard, let them know just how smart and talented I am, and then... maybe they'll hire me for another job, abroad perhaps?
3. "Knopp's Knotes"
This semester is the heaviest I've had in my university career with an astounding 19 credits. It actually should be 22, but I am auditing my leadership class because I didn't want to have 22 hours :) Anyways, I am taking 5 classes and have 4 labs and a practice session (which is the same as a lab). Classes include: Crops: Adaptation & Production (with lab), Analytical Techniques in Food & Bioprocessing Science (with 2 labs), Principles of Biochemistry (with problem session), General Microbiology (with lab), and World Population and Food Prospects. I am finally in classes that interest me and that I look forward to attending, which should help me. However, with the sheer volume of work that will accumulate if I decide to procrastinate, I need to work diligently and not put anything off until the last minute. Biochemistry will be especially challenging with pure memorization and brutal pop quizzes every week. I have to be strong and motivate myself this semester. It's not going to be an easy one.
4. "Pura Vida"
Of course, I plan to make a trip to Costa Rica in the beginning of May, after finals and before my job starts. I would like to stay as long as possible, see friends in Barva, and also travel to Manuel Antonio, one of the places that I did not get to when I was there last year. My resolution: keep Costa Rica as a prize to myself for getting all A's. Of course, I'll go even if I flunk everything, but I really want it to be my motivation and get me through the semester. And then it will be an even sweeter trip. And hopefully Margarita will come with me, and we can party like Spring Semester 2008 :) :) :)
5. "La Vita E Bella"
Last one. I am leading the Alternative Spring Break to Rome this year on a Hunger Policy trip. My co-team leader and I need to step up our game and get our affairs into order and make this as smooth and meaningful as possible. No holes, no one gets lost, no one gets sick, on time for everything, etc etc. It needs to be seamless. And I can't wait until we go. Minus the fact that I have three tests on the day that we leave, so that could be a little problem....
Well, there you go. You now know what 2009 is going to for me. Hopefully there will be some more international travel, but with Italy and Costa Rica already on my plate, I'm not complaining too much ;)
Peace.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
- 20 C ... No biggie.
Well, I have made it back to the cold, cold North and am spending the weekend with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins in my grandparents' house in Wisconsin. The temperature is about -5 F (-20 C) and it sure feels like it. We went bowling today and the 30 seconds it took to walk from the car to the building just about melted my face off. It's a bit nippy.
Finals are over, grades are in, perfect GPA maintained. KaCHOW.
But the big excited news is that I officially have a job for next summer! I will be a Research and Development intern with Land O' Lakes in Arden Hills, Minnesota (pending a drug test, of course). It will be for 12 weeks, and I will be living near some relatives for the summer. I don't know what type of project I will be working on, but anything is bound to give me the inside look at the food industry, so I'm excited. I know you must be thinking, but how is this going to end hunger? Um, it's not really going to. But it's money, experience, and the company has international development projects that I could maybe work with in the future. And it's a co-op so they really keep the farmers in mind. I will update you along the way.
Still planning a trip to Costa Rica in May, and I can't wait until that. Beaches. Ahhhh.
Peace (and Happy Holidays)
Finals are over, grades are in, perfect GPA maintained. KaCHOW.
But the big excited news is that I officially have a job for next summer! I will be a Research and Development intern with Land O' Lakes in Arden Hills, Minnesota (pending a drug test, of course). It will be for 12 weeks, and I will be living near some relatives for the summer. I don't know what type of project I will be working on, but anything is bound to give me the inside look at the food industry, so I'm excited. I know you must be thinking, but how is this going to end hunger? Um, it's not really going to. But it's money, experience, and the company has international development projects that I could maybe work with in the future. And it's a co-op so they really keep the farmers in mind. I will update you along the way.
Still planning a trip to Costa Rica in May, and I can't wait until that. Beaches. Ahhhh.
Peace (and Happy Holidays)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Twas the Night Before Finals
[I thought this was appropriate...]
Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
In my own room I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, her nose in her books,
And my comments to her drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were all shot.
I stared at the notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades made in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
His spirit was careless, his manner was mellow,
All of a sudden, he started to bellow.
"On Cliff's notes, on Crib notes, On Last Year Exams.
On Wing-It and Sling-It and Last Minute Crams."
His message delivered, he vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best,
Happy Finals to All, and to all a Good Test."
(Twas The Night Before Finals by Andrew Hund, 1993)
Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking.
In my own room I had been pacing,
And dreading exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, her nose in her books,
And my comments to her drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were all shot.
I stared at the notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades made in school.
When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
His spirit was careless, his manner was mellow,
All of a sudden, he started to bellow.
"On Cliff's notes, on Crib notes, On Last Year Exams.
On Wing-It and Sling-It and Last Minute Crams."
His message delivered, he vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best,
Happy Finals to All, and to all a Good Test."
(Twas The Night Before Finals by Andrew Hund, 1993)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's the... Eye of the Tiger, it's the Blade of the Pig!
Finals are here.
Fortunately, I already had an A+ in my food chem before our optional final, so I didn't even have to worry about that one. My one credit lab class for quantitative chemistry left me with yet another A+, and of course I received a satisfactory in my Step Aerobics class (take that, Dad). My dairy final project was finished before schedule and the written test took about 25 minutes. Meat science, although I hadn't been too well in that class, was easier than expected, I hope to pull off an A. We came up with a lot of little mechanisms to help us remember the concepts (WIRE FOCHEL, blade of the pig, gases/aroma, goofy things really...).
What's left? Statistics and Quantitative. When? That's right, not until next Monday and Tuesday. Terrible schedule this semester, but I'm sucking it up.
But hey, let's talk about my least favorite subject ever: Politics! Blagojevich, Illinois' Governor got himself in a little bit of trouble. I felt bad that I knew absolutely nothing of his past problems and that this scandal showed me how corrupt Illinois turned out to be. But he gave us hand's free tollways, you are saying to yourself. And perhaps that's the only good thing he's done for us Illinoisans. Oh well. That's really all I have to say on that subject.
I will be applying for a Hunger Award that has just been created at NC State. And guess who gives it out to the winner...? Former President Bill Clinton! I'll be putting extra effort into that, that's for sure.
Peace and Love for all during this holiday season.
Fortunately, I already had an A+ in my food chem before our optional final, so I didn't even have to worry about that one. My one credit lab class for quantitative chemistry left me with yet another A+, and of course I received a satisfactory in my Step Aerobics class (take that, Dad). My dairy final project was finished before schedule and the written test took about 25 minutes. Meat science, although I hadn't been too well in that class, was easier than expected, I hope to pull off an A. We came up with a lot of little mechanisms to help us remember the concepts (WIRE FOCHEL, blade of the pig, gases/aroma, goofy things really...).
What's left? Statistics and Quantitative. When? That's right, not until next Monday and Tuesday. Terrible schedule this semester, but I'm sucking it up.
But hey, let's talk about my least favorite subject ever: Politics! Blagojevich, Illinois' Governor got himself in a little bit of trouble. I felt bad that I knew absolutely nothing of his past problems and that this scandal showed me how corrupt Illinois turned out to be. But he gave us hand's free tollways, you are saying to yourself. And perhaps that's the only good thing he's done for us Illinoisans. Oh well. That's really all I have to say on that subject.
I will be applying for a Hunger Award that has just been created at NC State. And guess who gives it out to the winner...? Former President Bill Clinton! I'll be putting extra effort into that, that's for sure.
Peace and Love for all during this holiday season.
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